Out with the old....

I’ve always been a bit of a hoarder.

I keep clothes I hardly wore when they did fit – that will probably never fit again. I keep materials for craft projects it is highly likely I will ever begin let alone finish. 

Like the time I simply had to mosaic a terracotta pot.  I went to the flea market full of creative energy and hunted for old tiles, tea cups and plates. I am pretty sure I wore my most BoHo outfit and felt for the morning like an artist on a mission. Then I made hubby come to Bunnings with me and we bought a little mallet for smashing them up, some glue, the pot, and even a little plastic toolbox with draws to store my mosaicing ‘equipment’. 

You can see by the photo how far I got (and how bad it looked!) Poor ugly pot. I was going to use it to grow herbs (for recipes I will probably tear out of a magazine but never cook.) you see the pattern forming. Yet I can’t bring myself to throw the tools and things away. What good is a few broken cups? My cup can’t be half full if I’ve smashed it to smithereens with a rubber mallet then stored it in a dusty toolbox drawer for 3 years.

And lately I think I have been hoarding emotions. Hoarding pressure that I’ve created myself. Have I been foolish? Was the risk too great? What if I fail.  What do People think of me? Should I go back and get a ‘Real Job’? It was my decision to create my own business after I had my son, rather than go back to a ‘9-5. And in my head I was once again that artist full of creative energy’ on a mission to create something amazing. And lately the weight of my decisions has become suffocating and tiring.

In some late night procrastination the other night I saw an episode of the American reality TV show Hoarders. Now I am not a neat or organised person by anybodies description – but this show was terrifying. The amount of crap these women had surrounded themselves with was beyond belief. They could not make it across the room without moving things along the way. There was not one square inch of space left in their house that was not covered in useless junk. And I was thinking – omg – how do they function like that? How do they live there day to day lives let along do anything productive? How do they survive that emotionally as there self esteem was nonexistent – and whenever they felt helpless and overwhelmed they seemed to just gather more junk to ease their pain, and there problems literally grew higher.

And as I watched I never once connected me with these women – until last night when I came across a little quote that leapt of the page and slapped me across the face...

And (cue light bulb moment) – I realised that Hoarding things we no longer need or use does nothing except fuel anxiety and lower confidence. Why? Because these things act as a constant reminder of jobs unfinished (or sometimes in my case unstarted) and makes us feel like we have failed, and that our lives are not in order.  So today I decided to start letting go.

I started with my wardrobe. The first thing I did is take a huge empty photo display wall hanger (bad description I know, see the pic) from my office to my walk in robe. 

It had hung empty in my office for a year as I was ‘going to’ turn it into an inspiration board – but it had done nothing but make me feel time poor and stressed each time I looked at its empty pockets as I never had the time to create it. (And let’s face it – I have since discovered Pinterest – who needs to cut stuff from magazines anymore?!) It is now my jewellery hanger – works a treat – filled each pocket with necklaces and pendants, even fit in some beanies and scarves in the A4 photo pockets.

 Next came the culling of the clothes. And I was pretty ruthless. And I can’t believe how much space I have found – and how much easier it will be to find the clothes I actually like to wear when I am not searching for them among clothes I will never fit again.

Tomorrow I am beginning the office and the pantry. But most important of all I am beginning me. Time to let go of all the baggage I carry around for no reason.  Time to stop worrying about failure, as nobody ever did anything great by staying safe.  Time I believe in myself and to give myself a pat on the back for what I have already achieved.  And I am proud of what I have created so far. And I have dreams for it to continue and grow.  And all I can give it is my best shot, and what will be will be. And no matter what I will not look back at this time as a task unfinished – as the task was to be around to see all my son’s firsts –and at that most important goal I have succeeded – and what a blessing that has been.  I will take the advice of Elbert Hubbard (I had no idea who that was either but he gives good advice) “The greatest mistake you can make in life is to be continually fearing you will make one”.

So I am choosing to declutter my life and let go of the pressure. Get rid of the useless stuff holding me back – that gets in the way of me seeing what i have already got. Are you a hoarder? What’s the junk that is holding you back?